Finally my time at Parkwood was over. That was 51/2 months of time well spent. I was going home for good! I don’t think I have wanted something so badly in my life. Not only was I going home but in my mind it meant that I was better. I was better but since that time I have progressed so much more. If I were to put a number on it I’d say 2000%. My speech has become more clear, my balance has improved, and I have more hope for the future.
Despite me wanting to go (be permanently discharged) sooo badly it wasn’t a very ceremonial moment. It should have been more momentous than returning from therapy and being wheeled out to the car just like every other day to go for supper. If this were a movie, uplifting and happy music would be playing. We (Mike and I) took my parents and brother out for dinner as a thank you for the countless trips (everyday) into London they made while I was in the hospital.
So I am at home......Prior to the stroke part of my regular routine was to go for a run first thing in the mornings. Running or walking was not in the cards for me. Since I am used to a good workout (good sweat) I longed for that again. I had used the elliptical at the gym and realized that I could hang on to the handles for support and move my legs quickly. I figured that would allow me a good workout and mimic the movement of walking.
I had basically decided that getting an elliptical was the best option, even though the doctors thought it might be too soon. I just wanted it and felt it was in my best interest so I didn’t listen and pushed forward.
The elliptical would provide the therapy of exercise and weight management. Weight management became a serious issue. After 3 months of no food and a modified diet I became obsessed and ate everything in sight. Eventual boredom also contributed to the weight gain. I began eating when I didn’t have anything to do. This was the reason I gained too much weight.
Not only was I upset about the effects of the stroke I needed and wanted to lose some weight but I didn’t know how. In the past I would just workout longer or harder. My eating habits would essentially stay the same. But the fact that my movements, strength and endurance were limited made this strategy obsolete.
I have a real obsession with both food and working out. I have a love hate relationship with food.I love junk food and eat it if it’s available. I hate the extra calories. If it’s wasn’t readily available I would go get it at the store or in a pinch I’d make something to fill that sweet tooth. In order to combat the extra calories I would work out extra. It was and is a vicious cycle.
In my mind the exercise was going to get me walking and make weight loss possible so I was willing to pay whatever it was going to cost—it was an investment in my future. After 6 years I am still not walking without a mobility aid. Most importantly and thankfully I AM NOT in a wheelchair (a prognosis doctors thought would happen)
Where would I be if I just gave up and accepted things as they were without trying to change things? I wasn’t happy with the way things were so I had two choices. Quit and give up or make a change. Since I wasn’t happy with the way things were, so the choice was a no brainer. Try to make a change, the alternative was not an option.
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