The break up

I have kept the story in chronological order in order to keep things organized in my mind. It just seems to make sense to start from the very beginning and move toward the end, or present day. My memories seem to be clearer and easier to recall when they follow a timeline.

I am now at the point in the story where I am not sure that I want to dig up certain memories. it has taken a year to get to the point of not tearing up when talking about it. I have been putting off recalling these events. I have thought about the fairest way to paint the picture and I have come up with sticking to the facts and try not to give my opinion (too much). I realize there are two sides to every story. The trouble is I only have my side of the story.

In the car on our way to an appointment he dropped the bomb....”we should go our separate ways” Something in his voice told me that he was VERY serious. I was sitting in the passengers seat and I looked over at him driving like I had for 18 years. His expression was stony and distant. An expression that I know all too well....now

My initial thought was this statement has been said before in the heat of an argument from both our mouths but never just out of the blue. Actually we had a minor argument just before the car ride to our appointment, but not one that would warrant that statement. My next thought was HE WAS SERIOUS and I was reduced to tears.

In the beginning I just didn’t understand. I wanted some clarification. Do marriage vows not mean anything I wanted to scream and I wanted him to see the error in his ways and say we need to talk. Does in sickness and in health matter at all? I guess only in health. Now I don’t care as much..It’s just something that has happened and it isn’t someone I should worry about. He said he wanted to quit the stroke but that also meant quitting me.

Our biggest mistake was that we didn’t talk about our ‘feelings’ and thought we could do it ourselves so we didn’t seek any counselling. It was like don’t ask don’t tell. Since I cried so easily, Mike has said that was the reason for hiding his feelings or rather not to discuss them. It took me a long time to accept that as a reasonable explanation. I just feel that was a cowardly way of doing things. Were the years we had been together not at least warrant trying?